Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
