I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
