From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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