matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
