Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
