I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
