Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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