Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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