Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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