her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
