i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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