Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
