Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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