and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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