Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
