So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
