I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
