u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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