I wanna bring you to show and tell
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
