im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My pussy is not your playground.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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