so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
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If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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