People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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