so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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