This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
