3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
