i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you would pick up someone in the library
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
