he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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