he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
