Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Two words: blizzard sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
