The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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