I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize