if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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