I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
false alarm, still single
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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