Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize