They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
