history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
