Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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