Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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