4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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