shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the raccoons are back...
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