I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
