the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize