I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you.
Bad choice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize