apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
