I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
