She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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