I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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