I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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