Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
