Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
