is your mom at the bar?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
