I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
