If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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