you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
