I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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