Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
another moral hangover. fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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