Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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