dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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