if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
