That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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