She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
